Saying good-bye to my brother, my friend
The last week of putting the magazine together has truly been a difficult one. I lost my brother, Jose, who was only 31 years old. He had just passed his cosmetology licensing test and was ready to begin his career. It was the first major loss of my life. I’ve seen death before. I’ve been to other funerals. But I’ve never felt what I’ve felt ever before. My gut wrenches, my heart turns and simple memories of
him make me cry. My whole family is suffering from this unexpected and tragic loss.
My mom says it’s his memories and supporting each other that will help to keep us going. She’s trying to be so strong for us, but I can see the pain in her eyes. So, I remember. We talk. He was a creative person. He had a beautiful voice that we were all so proud of. I always told everyone he got all of the singing talent in the family because the rest of us have none. He was an artist in his own right. But he only shared his art with those he loved and knew well. He was happy-go-lucky. He welcomed people with open arms and knew how to make them laugh even when they were feeling down. He was an awesome hairdresser. After months of persuading, I finally let him cut my hair and he did an amazing job. I told him he was my hairdresser for life. He knew how to take me out of my crabby moods and put a smile on my face. He knew how to be there for me – for anyone.
But he also knew how to push my buttons andwe had our fair share of arguments. Once we were arguing in the back seat of the car. I can’t remember why I was mad at him, but I was mad. So, I took my gum out of my mouth and stuck it smack dab in the middle of his head. He looked at me, made a face and then did the same. Mom was so mad. She got the little scissors out of her purse and snipped away. We both ended up with spiked hair right in the center of our heads and ended up getting a good laugh then and even years later.
Our family realized just how many people he had touched and inspired while we stood in line at his funeral. It was the most diverse funeral I’ve ever seen. There were people from diverse backgrounds and age groups. He had been an inspiration and friend to many.
I cried as I kissed Jose on the forehead for the last time. I cupped his face in my hands and told him just how much I loved him. Irubbed his arm, and laid my hand on his chest. I didn’t want to say good-bye. But my other siblings and parents had to say their good-byes too.
I used to be afraid of death, of the dead. But I’m not anymore, because I know he’s there waiting until it’s our time to go.
I dedicate this issue to my brother, Richard Jose Dean Guinn. He’s one of the people who told me to go for making this magazine happen. If it worked, it worked. If it didn’t, it didn’t. But it was worth a try.
I love you, little brother. I’m going to miss you so much, and I look forward to seeing you again.
Peace,
Edell Fiedler, Editor
Slowing down with a good read
My husband Jason
and I used to have
a television in
our bedroom. I spent many
long nights watching that
television. It was sort of like
a time travel machine that
took me back to the shows
of my youth, such as “The
Cosby Show,” “Golden Girls,”“Home Improvement” and
“The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”
I remembered how I wanted
to be a Cosby kid; pop in to
see what Sophia was cooking;
date the cute brother on
Home Improvement; laugh
at Bel Air’s Carlton as he
busted his crazy dance moves
and maybe even go out with
handsome troublemaker Will
Smith as well.
One day, the television was
gone. Jason had put it in the
camper. I should have been
happy. After all, I didn’t want
it in the bedroom in the first
place. But watching that
television became a nightly
ritual. Now what was I going
to do? I didn’t want to sit on
the computer. I get enough of
it during the day. So, I paid a
visit to the local library.
As I browsed through the
shelves, my fingers trailed
the covers new and old and
sets of different memories
came to mind. I remember
begging my parents to
take me to the library at
least three times a week. I
could sit in there for hours,
sitting in the corner to
savor each and every word
of the books and magazines
I had selected. I’d laugh at
Shel Silverstein’s animated
poetry in “Where the
Sidewalk Ends.” I’d go on
adventures with Ramona in
this Beverly Cleary series.
I’d learn what’s in and what’s
out in Teen Magazine, and,
even as a preteen, I came
to love the dark tales that
Stephen King wove.
I left the library with at
least five books. My hold
list is long, and I’m always
on the search for the next
book I want sitting on my
night stand. As much as
I first missed having the
television in our bedroom,
I’ve realized how great it
is to get away from it, the
computer and all of the
other technical gadgets
that dominate my daily life.
There’s nothing like holding
a book or magazine in your
hands. And I’ve discovered
my way of slowing down
and savoring the moments
is by curling up on the
couch with a good read.
I hope that Midwest Mix
Magazine helps you to find
time to get away from life’s
fast pace and enjoy some
quiet downtime of your
own. In this issue, you’ll
read about artist Cam
Johnson, a quiet man, who
creates bold, colorful works.
Then there’s the band Polis.
Members have discovered
that change can be a good
thing. Read an interview
with author Kirstin Cronn-
Mills discussing her debut
novel, “The sky always
hears me and the hills don’t
mind.” Learn about local
people who are making
their names as playwrights.
Plus, check out the more
in-depth calendar and its
listing of area events.
Peace,
Edell Fiedler
Editor